Note to self

From the Journal

Note to self:

I’m always asking God for clarity, and desiring more discernment, so that I can KNOW exactly where he wants me to be. I don’t think this is a bad prayer, but perhaps it’s time for me to simply begin to trust.

Am I living a life that is fully alive, or am I walking around the equivalent of some sort of spiritual zombie? Seems to me I am quite often in a kind of daze, always looking for something else. The words “If I only had this…” consistently on my lips, or at least in my heart. Discontent seems to be my lot, more times than not. But if the God of the universe has breathed life into me…Shouldn’t there be more signs of life? Shouldn’t I be fully alive?

At first glance these two paragraphs seem unrelated. But I think this discontent springs forth from my uncertainty. Always questioning what the next big task for my life is, “Am I in the center of God’s will? Where do you want me God? Am I royally screwing up?” Never once does it occur to me that perhaps where I am is right where God wants me.

Embracing the uncertainty is an act of faith. Knowing where you are going, and how you are going to get there is God’s job. When we focus so much on the uncertainties we are paralyzed by fear and we end up doing nothing. But when we are trusting that where we are and where we are going is in God’s hand, and that he’s got every situation under control, then we are finally free to move…or stay. Because, sometimes following Jesus looks a lot like staying right where you are. (Luke 8:38-39)

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